Old habits are tough

Something happens and we react. This response originates in thoughts (beliefs), feelings, emotions that lead to actions. This pattern of behavior leads to additional events, thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions.

We generally respond in the same way without being aware of it.

An simple example:

Thought: My favorite TV series. The next thought is: I want to see the sequel of the series. That thought makes me feel curious and excited. I use the remote and turn on the TV, choose Netflix and sit back in anticipation and feel happy, curious and excited.

Anticipation already creates a feeling

The entire process of thoughts and feelings takes place on the unconscious level, which manifests itself in actions that trigger emotions, anticipation of what we are going to see and that gives us a certain feeling: joy, curiosity and excitement.

Another example: I want to see the news. Same process. But a different outcome. I'm not happy with what I see and hear on the news.

Habits determine our life

Yet we continue to do these kinds of actions every day. Both the first and the last are patterns that we repeat daily. Our brains are full of those automatic patterns that we are not aware of, but do the same thing almost every day. Some with a positive result (we feel good) and some with a negative result (works depressing).

The brain is the key

These automatic patterns are established in our synapses. Synapses are connections between nerve cells in the brain (neurons) that form a network that facilitate certain actions (autopilot). A stimulus (stimulus thought) gives a certain programmed response.

Your beliefs determine your stress

When we think we can't do something, a specific program is triggered, which can lead to paralysis. Nothing happens. We postpone action. Or it leads to acting that is generally associated with a lot of stress. Over and over and over and over. This is how your stress patterns start.

Example: Jan wants to quit smoking

Jan started smoking at the age of 16. At the time he wanted to be cool and belong to a group of boys he looked up to… Jan has been smoking for 20 years now. He is a heavy smoker. Now has 2 children, a boy (12) and a girl (9). He loves his kids. He loves them with all of his heart and soul.

Because of all the anti-advertising and  his wife and children say it is filthy, Jan knows that smoking is harmful, not only for himself, but also for anyone who smokes secondhand (including his children and wife).

There is now slowly but surely a feeling that this is not OK:

I want to live a healthy life, enjoy it my children and grandchildren; I want to be there when they need me.
I don't want to make my kids sick with me smoking. I want them to have a smoke-free and healthy life.

Willpower …… ..and saboteurs

Now Jan wants to quit smoking.

He thinks that must be simple. Just stop and go. No hassle. In Jan's subconscious saboteurs wake up immediately. These are parts of your personality that is against change. Change is a threat, these saboteurs will work against you.

A big battle has started for Jan. Jan knows that the first days will be difficult, but he also knows that if he persists, he will get rid of that addictive need after 7 to 10 days. Because Jan is a real go-getter, he is determined and has enormous willpower (Jan was a top athlete in high school and achieved many championships), Jan manages to get rid of smoking purely because of his willpower in combination with nicotine patches and chewing gum.

The saboteurs never sleep

Jan didn't smoke for 5 years now. His son has an scooter accident and has been taken to the intensive care with broken bones and possibly injury's for life. Jan cannot stand the pressure and starts smoking again. The saboteurs strike immediately at such moment of weakness! Within a day he is back to exactly the same old pattern of 25 cigarettes a day. How is that possible?

The synapses

The synapses associated with smoking are still present in the brain. In principle, a major trigger or moment of stress can make them active again. It then seems like you have never stopped. This is what keeps the saboteurs alive.

Tip 1

The best way to get rid of smoking completely is to eliminate the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and basic need (the biggest saboteur) that is the foundation the behavior. In other words, if you traveled back in time you would never have started smoking because the basic need that led to that behavior is no longer there. If we can also destroy the synapses that have been created over the years and replace them with new synapses for a new behavior, such as meditating or drinking more water, then we have the best results.

Replacing the old with a supportive habit

It is crucial to replace smoking with a new healthy habit. This new habit must be provided for at least 100 days. After 100 days, enough new synapses have been built to replace the old synapses. The new healthy pattern has now become part of your autopilot.

More quality of life

Due to the elimination of the old smoking synapses and the creation of new 'health-promoting' synapses, Jan has not only stopped smoking completely, he has also started to live much healthier in other aspects. Making his wish to be there for his children and grandchildren come true.

1. Doing nothing is worse than failure

Jan could have chosen to do nothing, which certainly could have led to premature death and / or illness. Perhaps premature death of one or more of his children. Failure is taking action and not succeeding. In any case, the action gives the good feeling that you are trying to change your situation. Then at least you have one more chance.

2. Doing nothing is worse than failure: The unconscious wants status quo

The unconscious wants to protect us from all danger and all pain. What is safe is what we are used to. The funny thing is, it doesn't matter if it's good or bad for us. Someone who has been ill for a long time will struggle to get better. Why? With long-term illness, the unconscious will find a normal state and therefore a safe state. Changing that state leads to an unsafe situation according to the unconscious. The unconscious will do everything it can to keep you in the existing situation.

Tip 2: Status quo is unsafe and change is safe

You have to get your unconscious so far that the new situation is safe and good for you. It is best not to let any situation that is not right for you last for long. The longer you don't do anything, the harder it gets to make change. It is then 'rusted' in your system.

Again, doing nothing is worse than failing. Doing nothing leads to clinging to the undesirable situation. It becomes impossible to get out on your own.

It is important to implement a change as soon as possible. So immediately start change.

persuasion

The third factor holding back change is your belief. If you believe or are convinced that you can't do something, then it will certainly not work.

The foot on the brakes to success

When these three factors (pattern, unconscious status quo, belief) are present, you continuously run into a wall. Your foot on the brake is getting heavier and heavier. You can't lift it anymore. Whatever you do, you are stuck. To make it worse, it becomes a vicious spiral down that you can't get out of.

A repeated cycle of self-sabotage

You have had goals you want for a long time. You do your best to get there. But every time you fail or you procrastinate. You wonder why you encounter the same patterns of behavior and thoughts over and over, every time. We wonder why the same thing happens to us over and over again. Many just give up.

Self-sabotage and comfort zone

Self-sabotage is every behavior, thought, feeling, emotion or action that prevents you from getting what you really want consciously. It is a conflict that exists between your conscious and your unconscious. It manifests itself in self-sabotage patterns. In principle, sabotage (doing nothing or failing) protects you from disappointment. You want to keep your unconscious in your comfort zone, which is the safest.

Reasons for the creation of self-sabotage

First of all, everything explained above. Second: The emotions that play a role are lack of: self-worth, self-confidence, lack of belief in ourselves, in our own abilities. We have a hard time breaking through our sabotage because we are unable to deal effectively with our emotions.

Emotions are the trigger for the self-sabotage mechanisms. The result is a life full of regret and disappointment because of unfulfilled expectations and wishes.

Type of self-sabotage

Self-sabotage manifests itself in different ways. Here's a list of the ways it manifests on your path to success:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of taking risks
• Fear of making mistakes
• Inability to listen with concentration to instructions
• Inability to plan ahead
• Inability to say NO to others
• Inability to face the consequences of our actions
• Inability to think carefully about your decisions takes
• Inability to think critically and practically
• Inability to think flexible about problems and challenges
• Inability to recognize mistakes and failures
• Thinking of unrealistic expectations Being
• Constantly worried
• Critically judging yourself or others Constant
• Comparing others to yourself
• Blaming others for your failures or things that go wrong
• Always complaining about people, life, circumstances, or bad luck
• The habit of procrastination
• Perfectionism Behavior and thinking
• Accept advice from people without thinking
• Hopeless thoughts and feelings focused on things that don't work or daydream .
• Limiting beliefs, feelings, emotions and attitude

(It doesn't work anyway, I can't, I'm too busy, it's too much, too difficult, too complex, I'm not ready, it's not good enough, I haven't learned, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough faith, I don't have enough experience, I don't know where to start, I'm not good enough, I'm not worth it, I don't deserve it, it's not the right one time, it's too early, nobody believes (in) me, I'm afraid of what others think, I'm afraid to make mistakes, to be wrong, I don't know the right people, it's way too risky, I've got it tried - it just can't, I can't deal with all the problems, I can't stand it, I'm not creative enough, I don't get enough help, (an) the (er) people are against me, and a lot more).

Original Post: Roymartina.com

Translated from Dutch

Author: Dr. Roy Martina